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Things Aren't Changing, We Are

by Our Fastest Typist

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1.
"you were my crew," the sailor said "now go and traverse your own oceans; these are good seas, but i have heard that those ahead will get stormier." i bet you still kick the wall when you're sleeping bet you still think everyone's up to something so maybe, we're not so different from when this began
2.
in my heart, through my skin i feel your presence again from my soul, to my brain God forbid i look back since that day the only ghost i ever saw was nothing like a ghost and though i shied away from her, i wondered forever if i was wrong i'm no Jonathan Nolan, but i'm creating a new memento to warn myself against everything that i've done and i'm no Jane in a nursery, but i've got to get out of this room i'm hiding in the walls behind frills and decorum an orientation was more than enough to get Daniel O filling paper so why is it taking me such a long time to get words down when so much is happening? my crew is sailing away, my crew is sailing away dear mom, i'm sailing away, and nothing can be done now my sailors are sailing away, which i always knew they would do but in the grand scheme it was supposed to be with me with me! my mother and my brother are arguing again i think it seems like my fault just because i can't fix it when i shouted at you, i realized things of myself i think that i'm more tired than i acknowledge i have to get out of here i have to get out of here i'm doing something wrong; i should have left last year since my crew is sailing away, my crew is sailing away dear dad, i'm sailing away, and i bet you'll encourage it my sailors are sailing away, just as i must now do the only problem is they're going separate ways separate ways!
3.
i didn't realize until you had just left that this would be the last time i saw you until the break began i should have just given you a hug or something but what could that have done to make things easier for us? our generation's unique, we're the first ones to have grown up learning the new tech, talking more on VOIP apps but distance is a factor, it seems to me no matter how hard people try, it pulls relationships apart but there's no need to work at it, i will try too hard anyway despite our strongest efforts, we probably will drift away i've seen it time and time again, even when we both want to stay together, things get pulled apart, but i'll resist that anyway i rest my head on the car seat on my way home knowing you'll find more friends while i'll just feel alone you'll find somebody like you with my sense of humor they say April's the cruelest month, but it's September i wish you would just stay here; i wish things stayed the same i wish we were still kids, with nothing on our plates but now the tide's out and you were dragged out to sea you have a lot to think on, don't worry for me i will persist with you two, i'll keep things up and running i'll call you on the weekends; constantly, consistently i will not end this friendship, we'll play Dominion online and D&D when you have a little extra time i wish you would just stay here a little extra time i hope things don't fall apart (again), we can keep up online i wish you would just stay here a little extra time i hope things don't just drift apart, but you never know until you but you never know until you try i need to get to sleep, but even when i try it never gets too deep because of my rapid-moving eyes i want to see you soon; please come down again so i can throw away this song, and stop my wondering i need to get to sleep, but even when i try it never gets too deep because relaxing doesn't feel right i want to see you soon; please confirm my suspicions so i can throw away this song and learn to start again sail back to me this winter, although you now live far away your new friends, they can wait there; i'm selfish so i wish you'd stay but nothing lasts forever; i should have thought that earlier before the tide moved in and salty water made things blurrier sail back again next summer; has that ocean become your home? your new friends, they can wait there; i'm selfish and i feel alone but nothing lasts forever; i always knew it was my fate to wade through stormy weather, 'cause that's the kind that i create i wish you would just stay here; i wish things stayed the same i wish we were still kids, with nothing on our plates but now the tide's out and you were dragged out to sea you have a lot to think on, don't worry for me i didn't realize until you had just left that this would be the last time i saw you until the break began go live your life, don't worry; i'll try to do the same but things are different in oceans without names
4.
teenage heartache, borrowed from a scary movie i took an aspirin, but it's not improving i used to place a lot of value on my own dream interpretations when the market crashed, i found myself forgetting them what does this mean? (i don't know) how are things going? (i don't know) i keep asking what we should do, but you only say what we always do and i don't mean to pry, but something's going on here if we both try to let go of our pride will i ever be lonely? can i ever be alone? but if we both hold and decide we won't fold, our ghosts will separate us; this will never be our home i'd take the lead if i could, but i'm still paranoid in everything i do but i can hold your hand, and be a reassuring voice hoping you can start what i can't teenage romance between human and humanoid alien "just smoke some weed", and it's still not improving teenage disturbance; i used to disclose myself freely but gradually i learned that people are assholes how long has it been? (i don't know) how are things going? (i don't know) i keep asking what we should do, but you only say what we always do and i don't mean to pry, but this is gonna fall apart if we leave it alone so if we both try to let go of our pride (i'd take the lead if i could) will i ever be lonely? can i ever be alone? (but i'm still terrified of everything we do) but if we both hold and decide we won't fold, (but i can hold your hand) our ghosts will separate us; this will never be our home (and be a reassuring voice, hoping you can start what i can't) i'd take the lead if i could, but i'm still terrified in everything we do but i can hold your hand, and be a reassuring voice hoping you can start what i can't [monologue about stupid shit]
5.
Slow Down. 04:31
i just need time to think i write this from my bed, i'm supposed to be asleep i don't have time to write a new song so here's a bad guitar solo, with some shitty lyrics when i die, skip that funeral bullshit just remember me, don't say some shit that isn't true and when i die, turn my body into energy then this built up stress will be good for something how can i expect to know what i want to do without time to think on it? engineer my whole world and remove all chances of taking my time slow down! (x3) (that's not even slowing down, it's just the same thing in half-time) when you die, you and i will be married forever connected in one soul, and now one body and when you die, i hope you bring some of your energy as all of mine will have been consumed in the name of Learning how can we expect to know what we want to be without time to conversate? engineer my whole world and remove all chances of taking my time slow down! (x4) i just need time to think i write this from my bed, i'm supposed to be asleep i don't have time to exist outside of things that must be done why don't we just live forever? why don't we just live forever? if we really love each other, we can go as slow as we want what's the problem with living forever? why don't we just live forever? why don't we just live forever? i just need time to think; we're really not that patient but while we're at it, let's just live forever
6.
as Eliot once said something like, "true art has meaning before it's understood" i didn't understand what the story meant, but i knew it was something important for a second we were having fun and everything was normal again but there i realized it's not, anymore we're getting older, and i don't mean just physically we can still be young at heart, but that doesn't change reality i'm more sober than i've been for a long time subconsciously i knew that we'd both have to grow up sometime we'll keep getting older ... and die double double-digits; approaching a fifth of a century i don't think any of us yet know what we are doing i'll still pretend that i'm usually in touch with my old friends but even when i type a message, i'm not sure i'll hit send we're getting older, and i don't mean just mentally we can act like we're still young, but we're just out of touch i'm more sober than i thought that i could be as we all inch further apart, and further out to sea but by the end -- by the end, will we make it to where we think we want to be? by the end -- as we get older ... and die the year grows older; Autumn is finally colder how does time age nature so gracefully? i'll try to access a little of that energy before i too am sent to sea but by the end -- by the end, will we have made it to where we want to be? by the end -- as we get older ... and die (but hey, it's alright don't worry, because tonight we'll sail away)
7.
2019 04:24
2019 says "it's gonna be a better year," then says "fuck you, get ready for another fling around the flaming ball of death" i could walk through this house with my eyes closed and nothing would change i know the house so well, and no one uses their eyes anyway it's not like anything from last year matters anymore it's not like anything matters anymore at all i didn't see any cops on New Year's Eve they were probably all downtown driving drunk they all said that they'd get sober by the time the new year rolled around well, the new year can start tomorrow new year doesn't mean new me; you and i aren't that different than before last year i said to myself, "it's figured out! i'll no longer be stressed!" well, look where i am now it's not like anything in this year will turn out different than last it's not like anything has changed inherently at all but the time has come to act like we're becoming new people even though we all know we won't really change my resolution is to say "fuck making new resolutions" then maybe i'll get something important done, for once
8.
hopeless romantic; i fall in love with everyone i meet everyone i meet, everyone i the whole world lit up when she stepped into the room but there must have been motion-detector lights hopeless analyst; i deconstruct everything that i feel everything i feel, everything i and in the silence, i learn to hate the sound of my own breath and wish that i could stop it but i know there are people out there who may not be here now but still call me friend and though they may be few in number, and sometimes far away remember that they're there it's hard to keep in mind especially when there's no physical presence involved but someone out there loves you and since that's true, everything could turn out alright teenage nothingness awaits the two of us from here on out we can't live forever and people may be assholes, but people are the best we've got "isn't this where we came in?" maybe it's time to stop leaning on every time i've failed and instead find out what i can really do maybe it's time to stop leaning on every time i've failed and instead find out what i can really do after all, what did anyone ever make that was good without pouring in their faith and hopes and loves? without ripping their chest open, holding their heart in their hand and bearing their emotions and fears and souls for truth? it's time to end this shit! it's time to end this shit! apparently, i can only complain as adulthood begins, and teenage years draw to a close, i slowly learn to get over it we could never live forever, even if we wanted to part of what makes life worthwhile is having to make choices what's the point in planning for forever? we could never live forever, who knows if we could love forever? limits, here, add value to whatever we choose to do there's no need to stay the same forever
9.
Captains 05:58
we have nowhere to be, have nowhere to go but to close the distance between ourselves i have something for you, have something for me but i cannot use yours, for i sold everything without those boys, there was nothing i could do nothing i could do, back then but see i'm still around, and now i understand: change isn't all bad. change isn't all bad. when the tide went out, it seemed to me that this could be the end but it wasn't yet, but it wasn't when they came back, it turned out that i wasn't as dependent on them, as i had thought with constant change, i still will be myself, while bettering myself sometimes alone, still bettering myself, or battering myself we have somewhere to be, have somewhere to go but we aren't sure yet where that place is i took something from you, took something from me mutual exchange, i will always keep it with me last summer may have been my November but things can still get better again i used to be afraid to die; at least i'm not as afraid to live we have somewhere to go, have somewhere to be we're both better off than how we were before i gave something to you, gave something to me mutual gift-giving, you're forever a part of me i didn't realize until, this was all over that this was the last time things were the same 'cause now the tide's out, and you have set out to sea and we're both captains now; take charge of your everything! (and don't worry about me)
10.
but at the end of all things, i'll wish you farewell and you'll go on, even if i stay here i'll sail away too, eventually we'll make plans to see each other again but whether we do is completely different my sailors are sailing away, just as i must now do the problem is, they're going separate ways but now the tide's out and you were dragged out to sea you have a lot to think on, don't worry for me

about

an album made by me in my bedroom, about a new phase of life.
this was written and recorded during my first semester of college and the winter break that followed it. now i'm starting my second semester.

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released January 21, 2019

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Our Fastest Typist Austin, Texas

lo-fi indie rock multi-instrumentalist/artist; i sing what i can't use speech to explain. writing music helps me get through tough stuff sometimes. hopefully it can help some listeners do the same.

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